I tell all of my friends that I am straight but I have a crush on a guy. I really would not like to be gay.
I lied for years about my skills and basically dumbed myself down so I could hide. I’d be haunted by the thought that the eyes of those I know would really see ME, and I’d be unable to express myself in a way that I can’t to people IRL.
While I feel horrible for lying, a world that only I know is a comfort that I cannot find this world.