I wish, I could have found a better way out of the circumstances I faced. I should have done better in school, or joined the military to escape my home situation and secure a better future. Guilt is something that should have never paralyzed me and I should have been more selfish about whats best for me versus hurting the feelings of others. There fate was already sealed, and it ended almost exactly how I predicted it. After all the drugs, all the insanity, deep down, maybe I was justified, maybe I did have a good reason to do what I did. At the same time though I cant shake the regret that perhaps being more assertive and aggressive in regards to my future would have been the best choice. Regardless of who it hurt, in the end, by hurting myself I did hurt them all, the only difference was I thought I was sparing there feelings. I spared them at the expense of my own, and in the end I hurt them all, and myself. The lesson here is simple, in the end the only person you ever have control of is YOU.