For a little back story, I'm in a very open polyamorous marriage/relationship. My wife and I share a girlfriend. This is all very new to me, as I've been

9 years

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For a little back story, I’m in a very open polyamorous marriage/relationship. My wife and I share a girlfriend.

This is all very new to me, as I’ve been a serial monogamist my entire life until I met me wife when we were younger. Recently this weekend I had the opportunity to explore a side of myself I thought might be dead, but isn’t. I slept with a man for the first time in my adult life. I then went to my girlfriends house and slept with her, then slept with my wife later.

I’ve never felt so dirty in my life. This lead to my first existential crisis and I pretty much ended up waterboarding myself in the shower listening to trance music.

Being poly, I’ve obviously slept with multiple people in a day having threesomes in what not, but three people in one day, one of which being the first man of my adult life did the trick.

Maybe this isn’t for me. I like it, but feel like a terrible filthy human being for it, which is also kind of hot.

Life is strange.

New Confession

I regularly think about hurting myself. I used to sh years ago but I’m 2 years clean now. But when it gets late at night or when I’m alone, I think of bashing my head into the floor, or taking as many pills as I can. I might think of dying sometimes but most of the time I think of the pain that might come with these things. Like how I might internally bleed or choke on my own vomit. I don’t feel normal. Not when I have these thoughts almost nightly.

Related Confessions

I am cheating on my boyfriend of 4 years with a guy I met at uni. Although it is only for quick s**, I feel very guilty for betraying my boyfriend. I just don’t feel that connection anymore, and the s** is not as good. It’s not worth breaking up over this because my bf is the best ever. I just really miss this s***** rush and pleasure that I cannot get from him