I’m so sick and in so much pain all the time I just want to die. The only reason I don’t put a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger is because I’m pregnant. The baby is why I am so sick. It’s a pregnancy complication called hyperemisis gravadarum. I’ve been in and out of the ER so much I am on a first name basis with all the nurses and doctors. I’ve lost so much weight I look like so freak deformed thing from a horror movie. My friends have abandoned me because it’s “just too hard to watch you be so sick all the time and not be able to do anything about it.” I haven’t even been able to properly prepare or get excited for the baby. It’s taking everything I have just to survive. And most days, I wish this sickness would just go ahead and kill me so I can be done suffering. I’d rather it be over quick than have to continue on like this. My muscles have atrophied from being on doctors ordered bed rest this entire time. I sleep on the bathroom floor with my head on a pillow on the toilet seat because I literally can’t stand up without it inducing vomiting. My throat is constantly bleeding from rupturing from all the constant vomiting. I’m exhausted. I’m starving. I’m alone. And I just want to die. I’m done. I feel like I want the baby out of me, leave it at a hospital, and pull the f****** trigger on myself. I’m done.