I’m only dating my girlfriend because I can’t bring myself to break up with her. She’s loving, pretty, my type, everything. But I love another girl, who’s so much more…Jesus man I don’t know. F***, she’s my first girlfriend too. I’m 19 so a bit of a late bloomer, and I just don’t know how to tell her I never loved her. At least, not that way. We were friends years before dating, and she’s loved me for a long time. It was always really clear. And the reason I’m dating her is because I wanted to try and forget about the other girl. A little bit of context, she and I were friends (longer than my current girlfriend) and I knew I loved her early on. I don’t think it’s lust either. She isn’t the most conventionally attractive person, but to me, everything about her is beautiful. Even when she wasn’t trying to be. Just perfect. And about eight months ago, she told me she’s moved on. That she has another group of friends she clicks with so much more than she ever did with me. And i never really accepted that. I feel so hurt and betrayed, and I know she doesn’t owe me love or friendship or anything, but I don’t see why I couldn’t be a part of her life. Even if she had friends she clicked with better, I don’t see why I got the axe. And I’ve on and off had suicidal thoughts. I’m so unhealthy obessed with her, and not in the perverted lusting way. She was the first person I really opened up to emotionally. She helped me through depression, anxiety, a suicide attempt, a father who threatened to abandon me, etc. My life isn’t horrible. It’s actually pretty great. It’s just, I’ve had a lot of dark moments, and a lot were my own fault. And I just grew to care about her so much, and I thought she cared about me too, but she just abandoned me, and like, f*** man. I don’t know how I’m supposed to go one without her. She was what made everything so great my life and now she’s gone and I doubt she ever f****** looked back.