For some years now I have not felt happy. I don't want to say depressed because I feel that might be a lie, but maybe I am. I used to love music, and

9 years

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For some years now I have not felt happy. I don’t want to say depressed because I feel that might be a lie, but maybe I am. I used to love music, and playing music. I still love music but I have not played an instrument for about 3 years now. and I was good at it, I could play and sing at the same time so well, and I often think about those times with glee but now my hands feel stiff. And all I want to do is drink and forget about life. I feel that even if I wanted to try and go back that I would be a failure. Suicide often crosses my mind but I would not do that just to not upset my parents. I don’t know what to do and I do. I am torn I suppose.

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Taking summer classes this year. After class a nice guy and I go around the building to a wooded area and screw. What will I do at the end of summer class?

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