I love my boyfriend with my whole heart. He’s an amazing guy and my best friend. We have lots of laughs together, and he truly makes me a better person. We are getting married in a few weeks, a small ceremony and I have been so excited about it. Last night I went out drinking with coworkers. One of them, his name is Charlie. We’ve always been very good friends and had really strong chemistry. I have been attracted to him, but nothing has ever happened between us to my knowledge. Later that night he told me we made out once when we went out in October. I drank too much that night and blacked out, so I don’t have any knowledge of it. We talked for hours and hours, very emotionally. We ignored everyone else. He felt that I had pretended nothing had happened and went cold on him. Truth is I realized I liked him and had been trying to keep my distance. For months I’ve been trying to get over him, and I thought I was at peace until last night. I realized how much I understand him, how much I want to protect him and motivate him. He brought me to his room and we cuddled, Fully clothed, i didn’t even take off my shoes. I kept on saying I have to go but it felt so good. He smelled good, his muscles felt good. He hugged me so tight for hours. I am moving offices soon so he told me how sad he was to lose me. He started kissing my cheek, my ears. It lit a fire in me. I let him kiss my face for hours and never kissed him back. I wanted him, I hugged him tight. He said he loved me even if we never began. He argued how we’d been great together when I said no. I told him I would always care for him and have his back, but also a lot of cruel real things. It hurts me to say those things too. Now I feel so guilty for my boyfriend and feel so sad for Charlie. I wish I was strong enough to not get drunk around him, knowing our real feelings would come outside. All I’ve been thinking about today is how much I want to grab him and kiss him… the final goodbye kiss.