I cheated on my boyfriend. I have been struggling to say that word because I don’t want to admit that that is what I have done. I have opened up to a few friends about it but I have never once told anyone all of the details. I need to let it all out now: I found out this boy liked me two years ago (I have been dating my bf for 3 years) and I didn’t think much of it. I was flattered and enjoyed being around him because he gave me attention and it felt good. One night a year ago I drank too much while he was over with friends and it escalated to a level that I never would have expected. We talked in my room on my bed. I remember cuddling but that was the extent of it. I felt bad about it but not that bad because I felt I didn’t really do anything too bad. Then it happened again months later… This time we definitely cuddled and I was a little turned on but never kissed him or anything. I felt disgusting after this happened and told him to stay away from me. I went away for a semester and forgot about him. When I came back to school it happened again and this time it got touchy. I didn’t allow him to touch me but I definitely touched him. I didn’t kiss him. And then it happened again and this time we kissed and the next day I broke up with my boyfriend because I had crossed a line and I felt like I was becoming a person that I hated. My boyfriend and I took time off for a little while and I ended up telling him that I kissed this kid. He was upset. We moved on and everything was great and I mad a promise that this would never happen again. then I noticed this kid hanging out with a girl and I got jealous and I ended up going over to his house where we were cuddling and I fell asleep and woke up to him touching me. It was strange because I don’t remember the touching starting but when I realized what was happening, I left. I feel so confused and lost because I feel like this boy has become a part of my life/relationship that he should not be apart of.My boyfriend is amazing. I want my boyfriend. I do not want him. My bf does everything right and I have always been an honest and good person and I seem to have lost my way in college and I don’t know how to get back to it. I am having the hardest time forgiving myself which makes it so hard to move forward and trust that I am in fact a good person and not a horrible excuse for a human being. I’m not sure where to turn. I almost want to tell this kid what he is doing to me but I know it isn’t his problem. I need help.