I’m so mad and hurt I wanna explode. I don’t feel heard. I feel ignored and like no one gives a damn. My sweet ol “daddy” abandoned me before I was even born and got TWO other women pregnant while my mom was still pregnant with me. He’s never had anything to do with me or my sister, but chose the 3rd woman to stick with bc THOSE kids are “worth it”. I’m pushed to be what everyone else wants me to be. I can’t have a baby until I’m 30, I can’t bring a guy I love home for the holidays because a man shouldn’t be my priority and I should be “at least 25 before I even consider a serious relationship”. I’m forced to “be a christian”, if I say I’m not my family jumps in and says I’m lying and that I believe in God. I’ve fucked up my life so much, I’ve had a miscarriage, I’ve been intoxicated and driving around with a man twice my age and been close to death so many times because of my stupid decisions but I’ve changed. If i could just have a sliver of time to be ME maybe I’d be a pleasant person! Maybe I don’t want to go to 12 years of damn medical school. Maybe I don’t want want to be the first in the family to break the chain. Maybe I don’t want to go to. UPENN. Maybe I don’t want to be what my mom could never be just because she was a teen mom! I’m so tired of people living their life through me! I am my own person and I have a voice and I have the right to use it! You’re all so shocked at family dinner by the way I act and who I’ve become, well if you’d open your eyes you’d know WHO I REALLLY AM. i’m not your perfect picture to paint, I’m a living breathing person and I can’t be molded like a sculpture of your making. Give me a choice, not an ultimatum. Just because I don’t want to put my personal life on hold for medical school doesn’t mean I’ll end up like my drug addict dad. Just because I DO go to medical school doesn’t mean I’ll be this big success that you have in mind. God just let me be me, let me become my own person, let me have my own life and opinion and let me want what I want and dream about what I wanna dream about. I’m not just some puppet to control, I’m a person! And stop pushing me to be someone that will make you look good because I’m already twice the successful person half of my family has ever been. If I had just one person to be myself with then I wouldn’t be so hateful. But how can I say that because no one notices me as a girl with feelings and ideas and a voice, you see me as a silent oppurtunity for yourselves.