I have no clue who I am or what my actual personality is. It changes depending on who I’m with. When I’m with one group of friends, I have to be a mom because they’re incapable of doing things on their own. I don’t mind it, but sometimes I want friends and not kids. When I’m with another group of friends, I feel better. I feel slightly more normal. I use the language that I want, I’m not afraid to say my opinion, and I’m more outgoing. Sometimes that’s a good thing, sometimes it’s bad. When I’m with my parents and sisters, I feel suffocated because I feel like I have to meet a certain standard. They don’t like one group of my friends because they’re “trashy” because they use “foul language.” Well, so do I. Just not around my parents or other adults. I’m tired of being the perfect little preacher’s daughter who has perfect grades and an amazingly pleasant attitude. I want to just, be young. I want to have experiences. I’m 18 years old and I don’t have one wild night to talk about. I’ve also struggled with depression for years and kept it very well hidden because of certain comments from my family. They found out that one girl I knew from school was suicidal and cutting herself, and they forbid me from hanging out with her anymore. Well. Guess what? I was already doing it way before I even knew that girl. I feel like I’ve had no help and every recovery attempt just ends up being another relapse. I just…don’t feel like I’m anyone or anything because I have no idea how to be myself. Trying to be three different people just ate at me until depression took over, but I couldn’t show it because I still had to maintain my reputation as this amazing girl. I’m just tired and stressed out and I don’t know how to get better.