i hate meditating now, my mind just wanders, it’s uncontrolled, uncontrolled obsession thoughts plague my mind, it unfocused, even if it is obsessive. i get frustrated i can’t control my own damn thoughts, emotional outbursts now rule my life, it ain’t right. I know I have to create new pathways, healthy pathways in my brain. It’s just so hard and I’m not known to put in hard work. I mean I was I used to be, that was the old me flexible and go with the flow. Now I’m inflexible and a total train wreak. resisting the current worked against me, now I am weaker then I was before, smarter but weaker, more prone evil acts. no longer am I naive and good hearted fool. at least then I could have said my heart was in the right place, now i can no longer say that. now I’m sly and corrupt.
