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a truth, Other
12 years
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I am a psychiatric RN and I have come to believe I have an “acting in” type of borderline personality disorder. It is not severe and I am highly functioning by many standards but life is pretty horrible on my insides. It is hideously ironic that I am in charge of people with the same disorder as me. I feel guilt for getting sick and tired of them because I literally know what they’re going through. There’s part of me that thinks, “well I did it and I am a moron so put on your big girl p****** and do the work!” The clinical side of me knows that my case is very mild.

Long muse on BPD

With BPD you have no emotional skin. I have thickened mine a bit but I am easily hurt and tend to keep it inside because I fear conflicts. Symptoms are worse when my blood sugar gets low I act out verbally with curses and irritability. If I am not getting enough sleep or exercise or eating poorly or I forgot to take my meds or I am frustrated or stressing out about how I am too afraid to go out and about without a knife in my pocket … I get suicidal. A couple years ago I tried to hang myself but just didn’t have the guts to go through with it. I never told anyone about it, but I did eventually call a crisis line and get help finding services and talking to my doctor and doing some cognitive behavior therapies. I’ve also had a history of dissociation and psychotic symptoms. Very rare and triggered by extreme stress.

Now I work with borderlines who are offered help again and again and they reject it over and over and a I lose hope for them. I dislike them because they bring out my borderline tendencies. I am supposed to be stable but because I, like them, tend to be very sensitive to the emotions of others it is very difficult not to be pulled in by their intensity.

Some of them I wish would just kill themselves already. It’s even happened before that a borderline we saw in the psych ward killed herself and everyone was like, “yeah…she’s probably better off.” We sympathize with her because we know what tremendous pain she endured and now it’s over. I advocate for borderlines to have the option to die by physician assisted suicide if they still want to kill themselves after two years of dialectical behavior therapy in a structured facility. Wouldn’t that be fair?

I have been experiencing increased symptoms lately. Work has been intense to say the least. I have been having self harming thoughts for the first time in a couple of years. I envy borderlines who act out because while I am able to blend in with regular people better than most it takes a tremendous effort to present the bright and smiling face I wear about 70% of the time.

Had to get that off my chest.

New Confession

I was 14 for my first television show and on the side stage before going on camera one day the producer’s son that was 8 years old came up to me dragged up a chair and started hugging me and kissing me for righteously and started massaging my d*** and continued until it ejaculated and then he put my hand on his d*** which was very hard and then moved my hand up and down and I gave him a throbbing o***** as well we continue that for the rest of our lives and moved to Italy when he was 14 and got married I’m 20 years later we would not have it any other way but the point of this message is he chose that at 8 years old and it’s not regretted a moment of it and neither have I when we spent the night together he enjoyed f****** me and became one of the smartest people in his class…… He would spend the night with me on a night before filming and then later I stayed in his suite at his home and he began f****** me at 9 years old and had the most beautiful sounds of ecstasy his mother would come in and say you boys don’t stay up too late now as his d*** was throbbing in me….. After we were together about 6 months he had two other brothers and he said could we help them have o***** so he let them f****** as they had no one to give them o*****…… They were so incredibly beautiful …. Robbie showed them how to f****** from the rear and how to lubricate the p**** and they watched until they completed o***** and then the next one took his turn while the other two stood by with hard dicks throbbing even though they had just completed f****** me they both kissed my heart throbbing d*** as they went back to their own rooms Robbie took care of my d*** after they left and drank everything and became a part of me later with his first e********** as he was f****** me I became a part of him through The years our passion and love for each other have never stopped that is why I cannot identify with the control people want to have over what boys do with their d*** and who they can give it to and what they can do with it it’s a part of who they are it helps them become who they are meant to be

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Related Confessions

I was 14 for my first television show and on the side stage before going on camera one day the producer’s son that was 8 years old came up to me dragged up a chair and started hugging me and kissing me for righteously and started massaging my d*** and continued until it ejaculated and then he put my hand on his d*** which was very hard and then moved my hand up and down and I gave him a throbbing o***** as well we continue that for the rest of our lives and moved to Italy when he was 14 and got married I’m 20 years later we would not have it any other way but the point of this message is he chose that at 8 years old and it’s not regretted a moment of it and neither have I when we spent the night together he enjoyed f****** me and became one of the smartest people in his class…… He would spend the night with me on a night before filming and then later I stayed in his suite at his home and he began f****** me at 9 years old and had the most beautiful sounds of ecstasy his mother would come in and say you boys don’t stay up too late now as his d*** was throbbing in me….. After we were together about 6 months he had two other brothers and he said could we help them have o***** so he let them f****** as they had no one to give them o*****…… They were so incredibly beautiful …. Robbie showed them how to f****** from the rear and how to lubricate the p**** and they watched until they completed o***** and then the next one took his turn while the other two stood by with hard dicks throbbing even though they had just completed f****** me they both kissed my heart throbbing d*** as they went back to their own rooms Robbie took care of my d*** after they left and drank everything and became a part of me later with his first e********** as he was f****** me I became a part of him through The years our passion and love for each other have never stopped that is why I cannot identify with the control people want to have over what boys do with their d*** and who they can give it to and what they can do with it it’s a part of who they are it helps them become who they are meant to be

3 Views