Who the hell is this looking back at me in my mirror? I don’t even recognize my own reflection. Off and on since 2011, I’ve been cheating on my husband with a younger man from work. I can’t bring myself to tell my husband or divorce him but I fell in love with ‘boobear’ the man in my affair. He finally broke up with me in September which seems final. In the past it bothered him that I was married and he wanted us to be together but because I am married, it was a sore subject each time. This time around before we broke up, we had not been spending time together for months. He concluded to say that he doesn’t want me to divorce my husband or be the home wrecker as I’ve got two young girls. I’m broken hearted and regret getting in this situation. Today, I feel that I am not in love at all with my husband but lack the courage to tell him. I’m am the worse person because I don’t feel guilty about cheating on him but instead I pity myself for being in love with a man who doesn’t want to be with me. I somehow can see myself being able to finally leave my husband for my ex but not without him in my life. We see each other at work but he tries to avoid me, seems like he hates me. He may even have a new relationship. Anyway, last year spwhen we broke up again, I took his iPhone and lied about not having it. I monitored his email and Facebook. I’m really disgusted of myself but I couldn’t stop. In spite I posted on online ad for casual encounters for him with a photo of his p**** and a clear face shot. A lot of girls and even guys responded with pleasure! I was trying to humiliate him hoping someone we knew would see him but that didn’t happen. I didn’t respond to any ad responses but somehow it did make me feel just a slight better. We got back together after 6months and he never knew about all my evil doings. I’m really a low-life for doing that to him in the past. I’m even tempted now to do that again because I’m hurt and sad and miss him terrible. If anyone can forgive me and my doings or even understand me , I appreciate it. Peace.
