I met a guy online. He was really into me but I was not into him. After talking intimately for days I thought I would feel something if we met in person

12 years

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I met a guy online. He was really into me but I was not into him. After talking intimately for days I thought I would feel something if we met in person but no. I felt so bad so I set him up with a good friend but she didn’t really like him either which made me feel worse. We had made plans to hang out as friends but I lied about not being able to go so I thought he wouldn’t go but I did go & so did he. I avoided him so he didn’t know I lied but I feel like a real jerk & I quit talking to him because it makes me so uncomfortable. Idk what is wrong with me because he is so sweet but I’m not even remotely attracted to him. I mean he’s not ugly at all but I find myself completely repulsed with no explanation as to why & it’s not like I’m gorgeous or anything. I feel like such a shallow b****.

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I wish I were never even born. This life is the worst. I hate the way I look. I hate the way I feel. I hate being this gross person that nobody ever considers a human being. Just walk all over me. I don’t care anymore. Why God? Why did you have to make me like this? I just want to be normal. I want to be part of a family. I want my brothers and sisters to care about how I’m doing. We hate each other so much. I cry thinking about how other people love and care for one another. Im nothing to my family. Just a mistake nobody wanted. It’s ok to pretend we aren’t related in school because I’m fat and ugly. It fine, I don’t have feelings or anything. Go ahead and let them bully me. Sibling protection is only for attractive people. Anybody anywhere at any time can just do whatever to me and it won’t mean anything. I wish God had just not made me. Im nothing and I’ll always be nothing. You live it up with your big house and all your cars. Have a great life out there with all your grandkids. Don’t even think about me. Im just a grain of dirt under your boot

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