I can sense a darkness in me. It’s definitely the shadow aspects of my soul that I repress. It doesn’t mean that I want to act on these evil parts of me but I know that they are there and they do come out sometimes.
I am super egotistical. I can’t help but think of me every time someone talks about their issues or whenever someone is talking.
I am self centred. I always want all the attention to be on me but at the same time I don’t want that bc Im self conscious. I hate it when people talk too much and I want the conversation to stay on me. I realised that and I feel hypocritical.
I have sadistic fantasies although I’ve never acted on them and never will. I just want to accept the darkest part of me. I sometimes mess and pinch my dog bc she is so passive but I love her with all my heart.
I am judgmental and superficial. I try not to judge people since I have problems myself and mental illness but I can’t help it. I get angry at myself for having these judgemental thoughts and I force and think myself into empathy although it isn’t my first instinct. Plus, I care a lot about the way I look. I reject my body and specially my face. Im super insecure bc of how I look.
I feel bad constantly and I won’t allow myself to be that way. I hate myself for being so lazy, for procrastinating and for being anti-social. I know it’s because of my social anxiety but I want to allow myself to just be the way I am without feeling ashamed.
I feel guilty that I am constantly searching outside of me on how to cure my mental health issues. I cannot, at least right now, accept my problems. I always feel the need to look online for solutions.. I just can’t seem to leave things alone.
I am ashamed of my mental illness. I struggle significantly in confessing or sharing my struggles. Then I feel ashamed about being ashamed.
I am anti- social. I hate that. I don’t allow or accept that part of me. Im scared that others will be able to tell that Im in my house all the time and that I don’t have many friends (I have lost most due to my mental illness). I don’t do much. I lay around in my house all day.. I don’t work, I don’t study (Im 20), I barely go out. Im depressed and I don’t want any one to know ( Although I have gotten much better… I have a therapist and I have told my mom everything).

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