I’m no good at girl’s things, in fact I can’t stand them, but my body doesn’t fit that of a boy. Does that make me genderless? A… nobody? It’s not that I’m afraid to go trans, I actually considered it at one point. I just can’t bring myself to go for it. But it’s not fear of rejection that’s holding me back…
I’ll start at the beginning; my birth given name is Arlea Jules Stone. I love my name, my long hair, my cute style, and my artsy personality. I’ve always embraced these things, and when I was little I had no problem being a girl. It was when hormones kicked in that everything changed. Suddenly being a girl meant not hanging out with guys, being emotional, and growing b****. Yes, I could still technically hang out with guys, but it becomes different and awkward. Especially when they become attractive, even distracting. Those are things I cannot change, they are permanently wired into my brain. I don’t I want to cry at the smallest difficulty but I do. I didn’t ask for b**** but when I look down, there they are. I struggled with how to approach this for three years. A small time compared to others, I know. Nonetheless, it was long for me. Because of this I was not able to create strong friendships with girls or boys. I felt a weaker connection with my family, who I’d left out of the loop for security purposes. I myself didn’t even fully know who I was. I’m still not completely sure. But I did eventually come to a conclusion on who I am. I don’t have all the details, but I have a foundation; and that’s exponentially better than before.
The hardest things about making this decision were the people telling me to give in. Seeing this treacherous and terrifying mountain I was trying to climb, and telling me not to. After all, I could get hurt, I could get cold, I might miss home. It would be immensely difficult, wouldn’t I just feel better if I stayed on the ground? I say, yes. It would feel fantastic to relax onto the easy road, but then I wouldn’t be atop the mountain.
Society says they try to be open minded to the struggles of others. They openly support the LGBT+ community, those of different colored skin, the disabled… but they forgot me.
They told me I was wrong, closed minded, unfair, etc., because I tried to be me.
I am Arlea Stone, and I always will be.
I am a woman, and I always will be.
I am a Christian, and I always will be.
I don’t try to force my opinion on others, and I never will.
I don’t hate others who aren’t like me, and I never will!
Society hates me, but I hope with all my heart that they will open their minds just a little further and let me in.
