I am a young adult who just got into medical school. I just about made it and tried absolutely everything to make sure I would qualify. My mother has been pressuring me to be a doctor and initially I wasn’t sure but I realized that I did want to study medicine. She has paid for the house, my food, clothes and schooling for all my life. I wouldn’t have had a choice aside from doing something related. My mother failed to care for me emotionally. My father who was absent yet present in my life thought that I wasn’t the type. He is always negative about everything.
I am not being ungrateful but the family I grew up in is broken and wrong in many ways that are hard to pinpoint. Because of this it can be hard for someone like me who needs the emotional attention that neither parent can give. Based on stories of her childhood my mother likely was emotionally neglected too and does not realize it to this day.
At times when things are bad I struggle with anxiety, paranoia, depression and a general sense of whatever comes out of childhood emotional neglect. Doesn’t help that my father’s family has histories of depression. Still I am strong and have been. I have gone through some ridiculous blunders and pains. I am also learning to move on from a recent breakup of a long-term relationship.
I need to get this off my chest because my mother who has been pushing me to enter medical school has began voicing doubts about my capabilities and telling me that others doubt me as well. Other people treat it as a joke. They think I don’t have the ‘personality’ to be a doctor. They think I don’t have the guts to make it.
Personally and internally I now politely raise a middle finger to every single person who thinks I can’t pursue this career. I don’t need your negativity. Thank you for being real and being concerned but this is my life. I am going to give myself a chance to do something that I want to do and push through it.
It is about time I learn to love myself. I can be arrogant and confident if I want to. Fuck you.
