Im so f****** tired. Ive just been so down lately and im starting to throw my entire life away. Acting out against my parents, and of course landing in trouble- being blunt with friends about anything and everything theyve done that made me feel a negative emotion. Im f****** tired. I want to liive. I want to live so bad i feel trapped in myself. I hate that theres a certain way to life. Eating sleeping etc annoy me. My parents are pakistani and muslim and i seem to be against almost everything they stand for. They make me wear a scarf around my neck so i look like a girl from an ‘honorable’ family. Like what the f***?? Also my dad f****** s**** he’s always putting me down and hes strangled me two times for really dumb reasons and never said sorry i hate yhay m*********** ohhrhrhehejebsv im feeling so angry right now can hardly type fuuuxxkxkkk i feel trapped in the role im playing f*** . I want to explore i want to feel good i cant remember a time ive felt good even in my childhood. During eid (islamic festivals) ehen i was a kid, i can’t remember even one good eid. I remember 8-10 year old me dressing up for eid happily ready to go out and my f****** dad would end up going out somewhere or invite his brother home abd i would nevet go out abd feel good and would end up crying with my make up streaking down my cheeks and end up passing out on the flooor i f****** hate everything in cruing again i want to leave and live abd feel good for f****** once. I was about to go fir the colour run but ny dad refused to take me for buying the ticket because I didn’t pray im f****** 17 i havent had a single good experience and im a rebel at heart but i cant bring myself to sneak out to places because i fear being banned from going out ever again and i dont have friends either. I have a few but I genuinely hate everyone no one makes me feel good theyre all so fake and dull wnd people think in f****** weird even those friends think im weird like fuvk you all man f*** you all. I dont knowbwhwt this is but im crying bye
