I have been lying for years. I mean most of my life probably. There are general truths at the base of the lies for example me conflating racing for a bike shop into me being a “professional” bike racer of the top order. I had controlled my lying for a long time, but in the last few years I began having marital issues and feeling quite undesirable so I began lying again. This time I have constructed a lie that I worked for the government on clandestine work. I did do research for the government but none of it was classified. I have now lied to about 5 people conflating my work to be military and to have been responsible for clandestine work in the middle east. These lies made me appear to be tougher, mysterious, possibly threatening and more heroic than I actually am. I have also only told these lies while I have been drinking. Drinking lessens my inhibition to control lying and as a result I make up stories to make myself seem more than I am. I am actually quite accomplished in reality so I’m not sure why I conflate my experiences beyond reality. I feel terrible about it and very much want to stop.
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