This is both a guilt and a fantasy I suppose. I can’t tell anybody that I know, so this is my only outlet for the INTENSE feelings I have right now.
I am in love. Absolutely, completely CONSUMED by it. No problem there, right? No, that’s a good thing!
Well, not if you’re consumed by it twice at the same time. I have a partner. I wont disclose names or genders for obvious reasons. My partner has been with me for quite a long time now. I’m pretty much happy with that. The problem, though, lies in my best friend. Lies in the tension between us every time we’re alone together in a room. Lies in the way I can’t help but want to be close to them all the time. The way I constantly dream about them. And I’m pretty sure it’s mutual, but really, who knows.
And, no, before you ask for my head on a spike I haven’t, nor do I plan on cheating. I haven’t even so much as flirted with this person ONCE since I’ve known them.
So I don’t want to cheat… But I love someone else?
I love them both. I’ve known them both for a long time and even since we were still in school I think I’ve had this dream in my head. I want us all to be together. I want us all to feel the love I feel for each other. And that sounds weird, I know. But, please, trust me when I say that I have never felt so strongly that something would make me happy for real. Truly happy.
I want them both to love me, and I want them to love each other, too. Not for any sexual reason, either. I literally don’t care about that at all.
I just feel so connected to these two people that I never want them to leave me. I want to be there with them until I die, and I want to be able t express the love I have for both of them without being shitty and going behind my partner’s back.
I feel guilty, yet I have done nothing but love.
I feel guilt.