Infant son died 10 months ago, and I have secretly cried every single night since then, also anytime I am alone. People tell me I am so strong and that they don’t know how I handle it so well.. Yeah, if only they knew my pain and sorrow.. or the fear that I will never have a child that will be born healthy. I have a hard time conceiving, hard time carrying and hard time making it to term. It feels like my fault, and I am secretly a mess..