I remember I felt uncontrollably attracted to this black belt at my brazilian jiu-jitsu school. I don’t think I could have masturbated to him-but I was uncomfortable because of how erotically charged looking at him was for me. I never really recognized men’s physiqes that way, but I could tell that his body was probably incredibly aroudsing to women-i never got an erection-but I could feel a tenderness and a vulnerability I could only feel around crushes I felt erotically charged for. I remember I got a complex between my own feelings and my own judgements and it became more and more neurotic-I tried to control it or contain it. I think I became uncomfortable about my own s********-I wasn’t socially prepared to becomfortable with h********* longings-thats for sure-but I think it was also about making s******** become an on the mat issue. If one comes to a gym and they are gay, some people may take issue around that just because someone heard they are gay. Honestly, if someone comes to a gym and they are gay, its cool, because its completely besides the point-we come there to train and because we enjoy the challenge of the sport. I’m comfortable with homosexuals rolling-but i guess i felt uncomfortable experiencing my own uncomfortable h********* feelings on the mat. I release this confession from my mind body and soul and all of the poision it incurred on my mind.