I remember doing mushrooms with a male friend from college- we went out to the field and ate them we had all of these great conversations-I felt ashamed because I overshared alot-and I didn’t recognize I did-I remember the expereience becoming erotically charged when we were talking-the talking I did with girls when I kind of realized it was just us alone together. I remember feeling the intimacy and that it was e***** in a deeply platonic way-the way you feel when your one on one with someone .and it becomes erotically charged becasue you realize its just you and them-maybe it becomes e***** for me-but I become uncomfortable with that-i can feel the energy coarsing through my loins and my heart and my groin and my lips and i feel like i need to control it -to repress it because im almost always trying to control my s***** impulses around people because it could be more confusing than confirming. Anyways-I thought I could keep myself from feeling more confused or ashamed by keeping it a secret from everyone i tried to control it inside of me because i was afraid it could ruin the person who i was portraying myself as. Honestly, I was probbably more damaging for me to keep the secret to control and contain the shame and confusion i felt than if the actual expereince happened. I recognize as I tell this-i’m releasing all the poison from me that I kept contained inside of me-I is completely released.