I smile happily everyday so nobody knows that i have severe depression. It hurts to keep it all in. I've always had something to hold me back, but that

12 years

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I smile happily everyday so nobody knows that i have severe depression. It hurts to keep it all in. I’ve always had something to hold me back, but that someone is gone now. I can’t confide in my friends or family because I’m scared of their reactions. I don’t trust them at all. I once told them that i seriously have some issues but they all thought it was a joke. They don’t understand me…who i am. I hate living. Everyday, I selfishly ask God to do me a kindness by taking my life away. I just want to leave this world…to close my eyes and never open them again. That is my dream.

New Confession

I was young. An older neighbor boy saw me playing in the backyard. I was alone. I don’t remember much except I was on the ground playing and looked up and he had his pants down and a big hardon about an inch from my face. He just held it there and I had no idea what was happening but I distinctly remember the smell of his balls and d***. It was a heavy musky odor. He left and that was it but the thought of that smell gets me hard to this day. Weird

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