I feel like a shell of who I am when I'm alone. I feel most alive when I'm with my friends. I don't care to be in a relationship because I think that will

12 years

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I feel like a shell of who I am when I’m alone. I feel most alive when I’m with my friends. I don’t care to be in a relationship because I think that will happen when it happens. I am content and yet I feel so sadly alone. I think it’s because I’m bored but my anxiety is through the roof. I come off as the happy go getter and that’s because I am when I’m out and about and have a concrete goal. But when I don’t, I feel dismally lost in my own mental turmoil that no one can comprehend and it only happens at night or when I’m bored which is a lot of the time. I want to stop feeling this.

New Confession

I was young. An older neighbor boy saw me playing in the backyard. I was alone. I don’t remember much except I was on the ground playing and looked up and he had his pants down and a big hardon about an inch from my face. He just held it there and I had no idea what was happening but I distinctly remember the smell of his balls and d***. It was a heavy musky odor. He left and that was it but the thought of that smell gets me hard to this day. Weird

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