I should have let it go, I should have trusted you, instead I let go of you, it’s my biggest regret. I fear it has killed me. I have never felt more broken in my entire life and I have no one to blame but myself, words can’t even begin to describe how much I f****** miss you and everything we had, I’ll be forever sorry that my pride and selfishness ended something that could have been so perfect. I’m beginning to accept the fact that you’ve moved on, although I should have gotten the hint quite some time ago, I guess you could say it’s just another example of my stubborn, arrogant personality…but it kills me more every day, I still wake up every morning expecting you to be there next to me, dog in under the covers at our feet, our daughter if you will. I can’t take that s*** anymore, it makes me wanna blow my head off every f****** day, after you I’ve lost all hope in life. I fear I’ll never recover, I wish so bad to speak with you again even if it’s just to tell me how much you hate me, and I honestly don’t blame you, I said some very cruel things in the end, whatever I could, just to hurt you. I realized there was no getting you back so I panicked and wanted you to feel the pain I was feeling, although I never hurt you till the end, you always did say you were scared of me, which was such b******* because you knew damn well that you’re well being was always my #1 priority in the relationship. But the last day we spoke I wanted to scare you, I wanted to show you that even you could drive me to the point where that switch in my head flips, things go red, and I look through people, and you know what can happen when I focus at that level. I had to show you that you’re lying and sneaking around finally broke me, and made me snap into that mode, I didn’t want you to feel safe anymore, I wanted you to fear me that day, hoping that seeing me in such a state of rage over your actions would make you change, or at least come clean and apologize, but instead you built lie on lie rationalizing your departure through these fucked ideas that you created to solidify your poor decisions. F*** I really think I could have hit you that day, I’m so glad we weren’t face to face, if you only knew how far I took my revenge on him and his property. I wish I could tell you I haven’t thought about it but I have too often, in too many ways, all too easily. He’s suffered enough now, at one point I thought about working on burning your world, but you know me, I don’t like to attempt anything in life unless I know it will be a struggle, and darlin you’re just too easy lol see I know I’m fucked, my days are numbered. But you…oh my sweet love, you have no earthly idea the hell you’ve created for yourself, see in time I’ll lose all memory of us, but you lol. You are going to have me forever, long after I depart this wretched life you will be stuck with me,, for I planted this seed back in January of 2013, I knew what you were doing and I promised to myself that I’d forever have the last laugh. I’ve been training your simple little mind for almost two years baby girl, every fight was a hand played to win, every date, every I love you, every second of eye contact since January I was r***** your feeble little mind, feeding you just what you needed to hear to create the kind of memories that will never fade. Every interaction pre fabricated to have you wrap up on the idea of true love more and more and more, set the clock for the perfect time to strike, every time. Watching your movement, demeanor and emotions, further fabrication to lead you into more emotional binds, having you fall deeper and deeper in love, all with the intention to slowly break you, and eventually destroy you. So you see dear, I don’t need to hang on, attempt to reach out, or dwell, I don’t need to plot revenge, because 3 1/4 of our relationship was me designing this mind f***, and training you to self destruct over it. The only thing I regret is that I only fucked your sister twice out of all the times she sucked my c*** for a fix. Rot in piss.