I had a pap smear done somewhere around 13 or 14, because my menstrual cycle started at 12 and after a few very heavy periods, stopped. I started getting a thick discharge that the grease ants (we had a problem with ants where we lived) were attracted to. I’d have to literally scrape and wash my underwear clean before putting it in the laundry, or wear a liner.

I remember being scared, I remember a LOT of pain, and saying “Ow” repeatedly during the procedure. I was told pap smears were usually done on women who had been s******* active, but I was just a little girl. And apparently my reaction and mindset afterwards was very in line with someone who had been raped?

I have a pap smear coming up on the 10th. I’m a month or so shy of turning 24 now… But I’m still f****** terrified of having a pap smear done. I don’t want it to hurt again. I know I /should/ have it done, I know it’s supposed to prevent cancer, but I think they’re going to have to tie me down or something so I don’t run away… or hurt someone.

I just don’t know what to do.