I feel like I have so much – i’ve been told that I have so much potential; God has blessed me with so much, I feel like sometimes I am hiding in school but when that security blanket is pulled away – I don’t really have my source of Affirmation anymore – But I know that I need to find my definition in God – He is the one who ultimately created me and too many things in my life have occured for it to be random coincidence. I feel sometimes like I don’t want to dissapoint God – He says He as accepted me and I don’t have to work for His love – He loves me at my best and at my worst but I feel like I just dont want to go through life having not acheived anything significant if only just to demonstrate how much He has invested in me. Jesus always had a special place in His heart for those who had great Chutzpah I don’t even know if I can have a faith that is strong enough to be called Chutzpah – mine feels more like a wilting flower. God, I don’t know where to go from here – I don’t know where I stand – I just want to to do Good – I realise I think, that I’m doing this for myself and that’s not what I’ve been called for but I dont know how else to do it or what else to do. I feel like I’m standing at the edge and I’m afraid to jump – into what you have for me – into the future. The past is so familiar, it’s so possible, I feel tired of looking… but . You call me into the desert – or into the blindness – for me – so I can find you. I will wait for you. I will wait for you.