I hate myself sometimes. I really do. This is one of those times. I sincerely believe that everyone has these sorts of feelings sometimes. I thought about

12 years

215 Views

I hate myself sometimes. I really do. This is one of those times. I sincerely believe that everyone has these sorts of feelings sometimes. I thought about killing myself. I don’t even have a valid reason.

“I mean, the pills are downstairs in the cupboard beside the microwave. It’s really that easy; I’m home alone, and the pills would kill me before anyone comes home…”

I don’t even know why I thought about suicide. It could be the fact that my great grandmother got lung cancer recently. It could be the puppy blues. But I’m here, thinking about suicide while playing LoL, while other kids are being bullied, shunned, discriminated, harassed at school, molested, raped, and abused.

What a f****** p**** I am.

But I know why. Suicide is the sweet end to a hard and lonely life.

But wait, I’m a middle class Canadian teenager with a Macbook Pro, decent internet connection, and the newest iPhone. What the actual f*** do I have to be stressed about?

Oh yeah, I’m a human being.

Oh yeah, school is about to start.

Oh yeah, I have ball-sucking Piano Theory homework.

Despite the above, I still have no reasons to be thinking about suicide. I just feel sad sometimes, and sadness leads to irrational thoughts.

(Sorry it’s so long, I needed to vent.)

New Confession

I hate that the women I want to have se.x with, you have to get to know them first and build a rapport. You can’t just say ‘Come to bed with me’ you have to talk about and do a bunch of unrelated s.hit that has nothing to do with s.ex. And even then, after all that you might not get them into bed.

Related Confessions

God not only removed the wrong person in my life but another person connected that was an evil and dangerous criminal God ended their life. I forgive but I am wondering what this person would’ve done had they not passed away. This person wanted to use my relatives address to send me a letter but my relative said they were not getting involved in drama. Had God protected me from more emotional damage or did he prevent a fight or a murder from happening? I don’t mean any disrespect. I do forgive but I am thankful this person can no longer cause chaos or harm to anyone. I still get curious what this person would’ve said in the letter but at the same time I’m thankful God is keeping me safe. God is good all the time. I also one morning said that I’m going to church and that early morning God told me that he was going to give me money for offering and I simply said,Ok God. I go to church with my brother with a developmental disability. Just right before service, this lady that was the piano player that I’ve never met or seen before handed the usher $20 to hand to us. I asked, who gave it to me? What’s it for? He said the piano lady gave it to me and my brother and that we can decide on what to do with it or use it as offering but it was entirely up to us. Without a second thought I placed that $20 bill in the offering. God will bless his own children.