I lost verything in order to become who I am. allow me to start from the beginning , 19 years ago I didn’t exist, in fact, the girl I am now didn’t even exist until just 6 years ago; You see I was born anatomically male, and I had to come about countless injustices to become the woman I am now. I had to fight the people who governed my school for the right to be able to wear the proper uniform and to use the proper facilities, Ive had to fight with my mother everyday since the day I uttered that one sentence, my sister hasn’t spoken to me in 1 year; her last words to me being, go kill yourself. I hate you. ive ost jobs, countless friends, my family, my church threw me out and made me loose my god and religion. I lost all hope. then I found a guy who accepted me no matter how bad the situitation got. and no matter how many pills I had to swallow everyday he was there. after 2 years I broke his heart by confessing that I had developed feelings for a female coworker. I later came out as a lesbian after a long struggle. and for a while I thaught everything could get better, after all no one seemed to question my s** or anything. Then one day 2 coworkers came up to me and flat out asked me if I was a boy or a girl. I felt betrayed, unattractive and ugly. I didn’t know what to do, so I tried to ignore the situation as much as I could. and for a while it worked. I later found love in a straight excoworker whom ive had become extremely close to ever since I left the job where she works at. unfortunately the way I found out was when she was telling me about the guy that she Is falling in love with. later on the same week I saw her, I had never felt so alive and energetic yet dreadful and sad at the same time. the girl I love was next to me, and she has known about my transition since we used to work together. part of me wished with all my heart that the only person that my life feel normal and that melted my icy heart would fall for me. but as we talked she kept on talking about him, and the majority of me realised that my desire was but a fleeting dream. ive tried to ignore her as much as possible in order to make my feelings go away. but just as she did when we used to work together, she could make my deepest and most agonising sorrows into a smile. later that month I was at work cleaning when a man came up to me and flat out asked me about my s**, and I fell into a depression. 6 years of proving to the world and fighting it, 6 years of asserting my self into society as a female where crushed in a single hour. I have never felt so unappreciated and worthless in such a long time, I had failed my life mission of being myself. with only two friends and barely anyone who knws about my past identity I am forced to hold the pain inside, where it grows. and despite every attempt I make to make it go away, I have no hope. I can not let go of this pain, because this pain is whats inspiring to yell to the world and to prove to them that they were wrong. anyways that just a small sniplet of my life.