I was madly in love with my boyfriend. We were both waiting to have s** until marriage. But we got completely naked together all the time and used our hands on each other. Once we also tried oral. He blamed me for that and hated me. I hated me too. It became all we did. We were unhappy together. I was still in love with him. I broke up with him out of anger in an argument. He continued to come over and do those “s**” things with me….but we were never together. When he met a new girl (now his wife) he told me I disgusted him and that he can’t look at me without being sick with guilt of what we’ve done. He quit talking to me. I lost my best friend. I still loved him. I still hated me. A little over a year later and I’m finally happy with myself. A little. A guy asked me out today and then he stood me up….I am disgusting…I HATE HIM.