Blushing is such a horrifying, betrayal of a thing. So is smiling like a buffoon. Both of which I just did in front of the hotel repair man who lives across the way from us.

I’d broken another hole in the wall out of anger, but this time it was huge. My fiance had talked to him about the hole already and showed him, so he was coming to ask me when to fix it.
I wasn’t wearing pants, so I had to yell hold on. I threw some on without zipping them since I’d also had a very large t-shirt on, and I threw open the door.
“Hey,” He said, “I came to ask you when you’d wanted me to fix the wall? It might be messy, so you and your son might want to leave during the fix.” We looked at the floor, where my five month old was passed out on the carpet. Nairi looked at the wall. He suddenly got a peculiar smile on his face. One that I’ve seen before, and recognized.
I turned to look back at the wall , and my eyes suddenly dropped to my v******* and the lube laying right under it on the bed. I blushed from my toes all of the way to my cheeks, and I turned back to smile at him, and pretend it wasn’t there.
“So, uhm. When can you get it done?” I do my best to sound normal.
“Don’t ask me.” He chuckled, smiling at me in that strange way. “You’re the woman. You decide.”
“Ah,” I say, staring at an empty water bottle on the sink. I pick it up, and show it to him, saying “hold on.” Using it as an excuse to shut the door. Luckily I needn’t explain why I’d need to shut the door for an empty water bottle. I quickly grabbed the v******* and lube, and looked for somewhere to put it. I shoved it in the clothes hamper, and went back to the door. Just for good measure, I filled up the water bottle, so he could hear that sound.
I guess it didn’t work though. When I opened the door, he wore a smug smile. Horrified, I hoped my brain was overreacting, thinking he couldn’t know it was because I was trying to hide that.
“So, what happened, anyways?” He gestured to the wall. “Were you angry?”
“Well..” I mumbled, “Yeah, sort of. I’ve just been really mad lately, and the wall happened to get in my way.” He laughed at this.
“You know,” He said, his hispanic accent drawing on his words, “I don’t know many women that do that. But that’s frightening.” He chuckled. “Are you alright?”
I heave a sigh. “I don’t know. I’ve just been really pissed off this last week. From those stupid people who used to sit right by that stupid window right next to ours for hours upon end, then having to fix the internet for hours, with it constantly going out on me, on top of Cronos screaming at the top of his lungs, kind of starts to piss me off.” And also because Justin hasn’t been able to make me c** in months, and I’ve been left up to my own devices, which I can’t even seem to use in the last weeks. But I don’t say this.

There’s that peculiar smile again. “I’m sorry that you’ve been so angry lately. If you’re ever feeling angry again, let me know. I might have something.”
“Well, thank you.” I stammer, chuckling a little at his joke. My face is fuming red, and I’d be an idiot to say that there wasn’t a giant wire of electricity pulsing between us. I do my best to shut it down.
“So, um, is Monday okay?” I ask, blushing so much it made it hard to speak.
He shook his head, “You’re the woman.” He chuckles, smiling in a way that makes me blush ten times more. “You let me know.”
I push him and garble something out like “Yeah yeah” and slam the door. And longer and I might have died from embarrassment.

The worst part is that he literally lives right next door, on the other side of that hallway window. How much I’m trying to ignore my own thoughts of wanting to. I mustn’t though. I was a cheater my whole life, and I am not anymore. I will not let my own beauty and my idiocy get the better of me. I can’t.