I believe I’m a paranoid schizophrenic, but I’m too scared to tell anyone. I’m scared it will ruin my future and people’s trust. Everyone thinks I’m normal, but there’s constant violence and changing of emotion in my mind. I’m afraid I’m going to hurt someone. But yet I force myself into order because I have to for the people around me. I have to find a perfect balance. Its a constant war on myself. Suicide is not an option, it’s too selfish, but so tempting. Weed is the only thing that makes me calm and happy, but I can’t get any since I moved. The only girl I have ever felt any emotion for is in pain because I moved, she doesn’t know how bad I am. Her pain kills me. But her love soothes me, makes me feel normal. I want to run away with her, but that’s not how society works in this world and others that care for me would get hurt.