When I was growing up I felt like I deserved all the bad things that happened to me….I deserved being ignored and abused by my father, deserved being s******* abused my my father’s cousin… being bullied… being shown that my sister was my father’s only child…being unloved….and that it didn’t matter what happened to me… that I was fine with it all because it was punishment for something I did wrong….. growing up I began to hate…. and learn that anything that I hold close will always crumble because I wasn’t worth it…. That’s why I forget a lot of things… because I don’t want to remember anything… That’s also why I hold onto friends I make… until they turn away from me. I am starting…no.. I believe that I am not meant to be loved… that my existence is meant to endure the pain life provides me and to accept other’s pain… to help them with their sorrow. I’ve been told that I can easily change the way people feel… but the problem is.. I feel like I’m taking over their pain.. and it’s causing my one shattered heart to be heavy….with saddness.