Heh. I’m going to sound like every whiny teenager ever, but sometimes I honestly don’t feel like I can go on. But it’s because of some s*** I read.

I was abused as a kid. And for half of my teenage years. By my father for most of my life, and then my oldest brother. My dad because he was an alcoholic, but my brother because I was a girl. That’s another story, but long story short, it caused me to hate everything about myself and become a waste of space.

But it’s not just me hating myself, it’s also seeing triggering stuff popping up more and more on a roleplay site I’m on. Most people take roleplaying as a joke, but for me it’s an escape. It get’s me away from me for awhile.

There was someone who asked me if I wanted to roleplay with them, and I didn’t really like this person to begin with, but I decided to give it a shot, because I’m too f****** nice for my own good. And then she sends me a link to her ideas, most of them involving abuse.

I hope I don’t need to explain why exactly this is fucked up. She couldn’t understand why I was having a panic attack, and acted like I was the idiot.

And here I was, thinking that I could keep on forgetting most things, but nope. This b**** f****** ruins it and… ugh. Reading some of them, and I felt bile creeping into my throat. And the fucked up thing is that she is only ONE of the many people who thinks it’s cool to roleplay abuse.

Seriously, what the f***? They don’t even put a trigger warning at the top, and the admins say that /you/ should be more careful about what you read. Oh, I’m so f****** sorry that I accidentally clicked on something that caused me to break down in tears reading. You’re right. It’s my fault. Not theirs. No, they can continue living in their own little fucked up world thinking this is okay.