Every time I want something for myself.. I don’t get it. I want to be selfish… at least for a little bit. Though, When I do I feel guilty for it. You don’t help with it either. You turn around and call me selfish for getting things for myself. Like I don’t have the right to keep it to myself.

When I buy things, I try to make sure everyone has one. When I want something I control my urge to get it and choose the thing that everyone can use. I ALWAYS THINK OF OTHER PEOPLE to the point that I’ve started to fear having urges to do something for myself. I turn away from it. I tell myself that “I don’t need it” or “It’s pointless”. Because I put my happiness LAST.

You once told me “You deserve to do something for yourself.” but then you turn around and throw cruel words into my face. You complain that my sister is selfish and in turn get angry at me for wanting something of my own. You’re supposed to be my MOM not my judge, not the bully, not the person who puts me down for wanting to be selfish when I GIVE EVERYTHING to you and my brother. My brother is ONLY 15 and he understands that sometimes I deserve to be selfish… when was the last time I bought brand new clothes for myself? When was the last time I bought anything for myself?! Oh, that’s right.. It was 5 months ago. I bought it with the money I WORKED HARD FOR. I’ve been putting off college because If I don’t help pay the bills… we’ll truly be in poverty.

It;s NOT my fault that people make YOU feel guilty, but DON’T make me feel it! I DON’T want to feel like I can’t have my own things because YOU CAN’T. I love you… But PLEASE don’t keep throwing ‘Stop being like your sister’ or “Why are you so SELFISH?” because I KNOW I AM NOT! What child, if they were selfish, would give you guys whatever money they have? put off having a life or enjoying being alive?