I miss her so much, although it has only been about a month and a half. Each passing day that you are gone I bounce between the anger of thinking about you with another man, the sadness that I can no longer hold you in my arms, the obsession as every thought trails back to you and what we had. You were the first person I loved, the first person that made me see the brighter side, and you mistreated me. You treated me like an aquaintence when I was your closest friend here, and your boyfriend. I forgave you for what you were, but you never even tried to give what you took, and it felt so good for me to give. Even though you were leaving, and I was staying, I wanted us to last. After you left me I went to three different girls, all of which meant nothing to me, and I still couldn’t bring myself to be with them, because the thought of being with anyone else but you makes me sick, and the thought of you being soiled by some other man made me hurt people close to me. Every night, even though I’ve gotten rid of everything that we had, the hole you left in me grows bigger. You’re like a cancer, every day you fester and grow in me, I’ve put back on weight, I’ve started to re-think my future (or lack therof), and I just want to move on. What I told you was true, there will only be one of you, and I cant tell if you were good for me or not. You gave me so much pain, but I loved our familiarity, how we would sleep on the couch together with me caressing your stomach, how we would talk for hours absentmindedly about nothing, and how I could tell you that I loved you, thinking that one day you would say it back. I miss you so much, and I dont even know why. I just want to find someone like you again, someone who will make me feel like you did, without the pain.