I think I love this woman, I really do, but I couldn’t tell her.

She wouldn’t believe it anyways. She doesn’t see anything valuable in herself, why anyone would see her as worthwhile. She’s constantly down on herself, and only sees her faults. I can relate, I do it too, but I hate seeing that in others.

I try to show her otherwise. I let her know that I like being in touch with her, that I like our conversations and I appreciate when she gives me help and advice. She’s like me in the sense that she can’t stand to see those problems in someone else. She’s actually helped me and I’m frustrated I can’t do the same.

I visited her because she has no friends where she’s at and tried to show her a good time, just as friends, but I don’t know if it helped. She laughed, seemed like she was into it, but ask her and all I got is a “meh” response. I hated to leave her like that and was really sad when I got home.

I may be a bit heavy handed in trying to let her know, but subtlety rarely seems to work for her and she brushes it off. I don’t want to push her away. I can’t stand to see her like this.

She’s smart, fun, caring and passionate, but the people she’s surrounded by where she lives just seem to try to crush it out of her.

This is long and rambling, but my head is a bit of a jumbled mess when I think about her. I’ve never had any really good or serious relationships, and I’d hate to blow this one. I’m just amazingly sad and frustrated and it hurts.