Summertime sadness-Lana Del Rey

I started seeing a guy .. I guess you could say we were dating . I wasn’t in love with him and I fooled around with my ex behind his back.
Then around the 5 month mark of me and him dating, I fell in love with him something I had never experienced before ..
I told him about how I fooled around and he left me . He was so hurt and sad .. I fought every fiber of my being to win him back

We resumed dating a month after ..

We dated for 8 months ..

He said he loved me , wanted me to wait till he served his LDS mission so we could marry ,etc

Its now 6 months till he comes home .. I waited the whole 14 month on him to be with him again.
I just found out Tuesday he cheated on me prior two weeks for him leaving for his mission.

I feel dead inside.I cant eat , sleep and I just want to die

I guess I deserved it .. I just wished I knew earlier