I feel so ugly sometimes. I know this is probably a teen thing and has to do with hormones and self-esteem blah blah but it really limits me as a person. I feel like out of my friends I just don’t have anything special to offer, you know? I feel that my looks inhibit who I am and bring down my confidence and make me more sheltered and seem awkward and lonely. It makes it harder for me to talk to people because I constantly feel like they are looking at me and judging me and I hate that. I hate being stared at yet I don’t want to be alone and I like attention. Not too much attention though, but enough to make you feel okay like people care. I know my friends care about me but sometimes I feel so alone and I don’t know…My family is not exactly in the best financial situation and that also puts pressure on me. I feel stressed about a lot of things and I feel like I just don’t fit in sometimes. A lot of this I feel stems from low self-esteem but I am not exactly sure when this started. I hate the cellulite on my b*** and kinda lower thighs I wish I was one of those girls who could eat whatever they wanted and not get fat. I have been told I am pretty but I just can’t take compliments and I feel they are not true so I don’t believe them. I turn 18 in 2 days and instead of excitement I feel stress. My best friend – used to be best friend who I am still supposedly close with – and I well, I don’t know we used to be so close and then she started changing and a bit for the better but a lot for the worse and she has settled down now but our relationship just isn’t the same…at least not on my part. We used to talk every day and I felt so comfrotable with her and I know I don’t know where we stand and I dread seeing her and avoid catching up because although we get along it does get awkward and I hate that and want it to go away! I hate awkwardness with people yet it is so often and I don’t understand why. I feel it is mostly my fault and that I make things awkward and don’t know what to say or socialise ‘normally’ but maybe it is the other person aswell? It seems some people can just talk to anybody and I want to beone of thosep eople. One of those happy, cool and carefree people. I miss my ‘best friend’. I think. Deep down at least even if my surface self won’t admit it. I think that there are a lot of things deep down which I can’t exactly see or hear yet. Like a voice telling me things but I just can’t hear it yet. I don’t know. If I were beautiful, I just don’t think this would be a problem. Hopefully I grow out of this stupid teenage stage and get comfrotable with who I am. I don’t know. I have to go to a party now and I feel anxious and nervous because I am not drinking and everyone drinks (I don’t because of health and personal reasons) and I feel like I am not going to have anyone to talk to even though my close friends are there. I don’t know. Just needed to get this stuff off my chest. Hopefully my mood turns once I get there.