This is going to sound stupid but… here I am Lord, on the up and up again. Clean, lean, and mean. I guess from what I have endured I expect something very bad to happen. While I know that’s not always the case… it happens at random, it does leave me a bit uneasy. I don’t know truly if I am always supposed to look over my shoulder or not- because I am sorry to say I fear punishment if I thrive. My life has been a big bowl of punishment. It’s safe to say though that if I go out, I’m going out on top. I’ve stumbled. I’ve been in free fall. I’ve gotten stronger and stumbled and fallen again. And again and again. It’s true we fall so we can learn to get back up. I’ve decided finally it is better to just do the very best you can f****** do, because this is all I have, and honestly, it’s all I want to be. I don’t need any goddamn other person or any other ideas on what I should or should not be. Thank you for blessing me. Please help me to stay clean.