You asked me what I wanted for father’s day, and I couldn’t tell you the truth: I want a day off from you and the kids. I want the house to myself for 12 hours – from morning until night. I want to sit around in my robe all day, watch p***, j*******, eat, drink, and nap the entire day. But, I had to tell you something that wouldn’t offend you: I want new headphones. RIIIGGGHHHTTTT – That’s what I really want? Wake up.