One more egg I put in my own basket. I guess the next would be not using this for a blog. Guess I need to feel like I told someone, even though nobody cares. As I sat in a parking lot in the thunderstorm yesterday I was sure God was so angry with me that I was a target for a bolt of lightning. I became very nervous. God is within each one of us they say. After the storm ran out of rain and moved on, the sun shone directly into my face. I happened to be listening to 60s satellite radio, and ‘let the sun shine’ was on. This morning I thought about revenge, but wouldn’t you just know it’s not even possible. Isn’t that just salt in every wound from constantly being pushed around? Even if it were possible, what would I even do? Sabotage? Deceit? That isn’t even me. Not in my nature. I just hate losing. I hate being walked on enough to hurt someone very very badly. I hate disrespect, and I don’t know what to do about any of it. The funny thing is I have outlasted any of my bosses at staying employed. I have outlasted any girlfriends past at staying free and thin and young(er). I have outlasted my addictions and become clean again. Now I am left with the fact that in the beginning the future was brighter and I could not see it. I have such deep scars, but that is how I had to learn. I asked to be made stronger than steel and I can honestly say that while I may be crazy, i dont know anyone that isn’t, and I am now stronger than them. Every day I can now build, since I have been ripped to shreds. Sorry it had to happen that way, and sorry the silver lining is that some are less fortunate. But at least in my mind, and as Denzel says i am finally free.