Okay, so it’s about time I wrote this down and let it all out…

Let’s start with why! Two years ago I’d became quite depressed at the age of 14 and started self harming and not eating to the point where I had been purging and eventually became anorexic. Anyway, my mum had fount out about this due to me telling my friend on Facebook and her seeing it, my Mum turned to my nanna for support (which I can understand completely now but couldn’t at the time.) Me and my nanna have never really got along as she kind of had ‘favourite’ gran children and I wasn’t one of them but I didn’t care that much as me and my mum were always really close bonded. Anyway one day she came round and had a massive go at me because it was really destroying my mum at this point so she was trying to find out why I was doing it but I wasn’t going to tell her because she’d tell my mum and it had happened to her in the past so it would kill her! Anyway I’m gonna jump right the way back and tell you where it all started!!! Okay so as a child, my older female cousin had been taking advantage of me s*******, she threatened me that if I told anyone she would tell everyone how disgusting I was and that I was a liar so I was scared, she’d hurt me ALOT and I didn’t dare tell anyone! Anyway skipping forwar to when I started self harming, I’d gone camping one night with friends and ended up getting raped! He said things like ‘fat slag’ ‘dirty b****’ and when he was done he tried to mug me and was saying how disgusting I was and how vile my body was, it really was horrible, these words and what he did still burn in my head to this day! After this when I’d got slightly over my depression I started showing a more aggressive side, I started fighting, smoking, drinking, taking drugs, smoking weed everyday and at the time I thought this helped because also at this time I’d started getting called names at school and just being teased which has always been an ongoing problem but it seemed to be worse at this point. After I’d dropped all this and just continued smoking and fighting, I’d then become more depressed again and started self harming once more. Since then I’ve overcome what seems to be the worst and gained therapy for my depression but my r*** story is still not been told as I don’t want people to judge and yes I do still cry over it but ha it’s better than cutting! I’m not doing this for sympathy as I just wanted to write about it.
Yours truly,
X