A close family and I found a friend dead a few years ago. It was horrible, like a slow, strangling nightmare you couldn’t escape.

He was an affluent, accomplished man and it was a large, beautiful house but it was cold and we were scared; there wasn’t a single light on anywhere in the house, not even a nightlight. It was high summer but the interior of the house was chilly with stale air-conditioned air and the smell of death. There was blood and his arm was hidden. I wanted to flee but my family member kept insisting that we try to stay until the emergency personnel arrived even though it was clear he had been dead for many hours.

I lost my grip and didn’t scream but cried and stumbled around and convinced myself that maybe there was a gun in his hidden hand and that he had shot himself. He had just taken out an insurance policy.

Have had a hard time over last 5 years and am planning on suiciding with firearm if it gets too bad.

36, F, suicidal again