I have a phobia of needles and injections. I HATE shots. I will not take any more. But I do want to get over this intense phobia. I cringe, I get tense, I cry, and blackout. Yes, it’s bad. I just avoid them now.

I also have a slight fear (not phobia) of large Russian men. It’s not their size, their tone, their attitude… it’s their past. And I know it makes no sense to fear the past but,, half of my entire family was murdered by Russians. I don’t have much family on that side of the family now and I realize that I personally was not involved in that scuffle and that tensions are non existent now. I just feel nervous around Russian men. I think of how they killed my family, how easily they can pick up the bodies(or me), and just how big and strong they are compared to me. I feel I am strong but I am also very small. And for some reason, every single time that I am confronted by or am presented with Russian men I sort of relive the murders very quickly in my head and have this thought in the back of my head of “This guy wants to kill me because I’m a left over.” even though I know it’s not true!

I am tired of feeling this way, it’s silly. I want to travel to Russia and meet a Russian tattoo artist who works well with needles. I want to be friendly with him and get over these fears. Am I racist because I have that lingering fear? I don’t think so, but I’d very much like to get over both of these internal issues.

…I say that but, Oh god…. Now to find the Russians… and needles. wtf. scary..