I’m lying to an internet “friend” of mine, telling her I don’t feel well and that’s why I’m not online. Why? Because I expect her to have an attitude if I just say, “Hey, I’ve got stuff to do so I can’t be online.” or, “Hey, I’ve got to stay away overnight so I won’t be online.”

I know it’s pathetic. Secretly I loathe her. But she has some kind of control over me, she has the ability to make me feel horrible about myself, and for some reason I find myself not wanting her to be angry at me- even if its over something she has no right whatsoever to be angry about. I could just block her a** and not chat with her, not read her emails, but… I made the mistake of taking an internet friendship into a real life friendship. She has my address, she has my phone number. Yes, I know I was an idiot for sharing these things with her… but we had been chatting for like 5 years, and I felt I could trust her. I was so damn wrong, and I kick mysef for it all the time. I feel like there’s no escape. So I lie to avoid her, and I hate myself for being a pansy.