So I'm in love with this guy in my building. We are both exchange students in Berlin and when we first met I hated him because he got too drunk and threw

12 years

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So I’m in love with this guy in my building. We are both exchange students in Berlin and when we first met I hated him because he got too drunk and threw up on my bathroom floor, but then we kept seeing each other because of mutual friends and eventually he became my friend.
Then one day he asked me to go to a bluegrass concert with him and I accepted without a second thought, and then after I started panicking- was this a date?
It turned out he just asked me as a friend as I found out later that he invited a big group and no one but us two actually was interested in Bluegrass.
But it started our friendship- and it made me realize that I found him attractive, as the months go on we have more and more in common and I am more and more confused about our relationship. He has never made a move of course and neither have I (because I have never had a romantic relationship of any kind I would have no idea what to do) but its come to the point where my day is off if I havent talked with him. He laughs at almost everything I say and we bicker and argue all for the fun of it and with him I feel so comfortable.
But in August he is going back to Greece and me to the US, I am afraid to ruin our friendship and ask for more but I’m even more afraid of never saying anything at all.
Its hard to deal with this double thought in my head, I dont want to lose him as a friend. I love him and without him in my life I dont know what I would do.
But I need to know if he ever liked me back, I have a crippling fear that if he told me the truth that it wouldnt be what I wanted to hear.
He has seen me at my literal best and worst. He has stood behind me and doted on me when I threw up my pain medication into his toilet after we just ate a meal, he was there at my birthday sleeping at the end of my bed because I was scared when the cops came, he has seen me work the hardest I can to achieve this 5k on Sunday, and we went to London together with friends and had so much fun.
But I think if I say something it would be all too easy for him to cut contact with me, I would go back to the US, him to Greece and he can just take me off his facebook friends and we would never see each other again. And how could I live with myself if I ruined that? I dont know what to do anymore.

New Confession

It’s a official!

The Toronto District Catholic School Board verified with me that Sister Marie Howorth had no fuc kin right in holy hell to ask me the question,

“Now Carm, your father died, was that sudden?”

My father’s death was simply none of Sister Marie Howorth’s dam business. It’s my privacy and it’s my grief (mind you it’s difficult to grieve a man that called my mother an ugly warthog).

According to the Toronto District Catholic School Board,

“If you didn’t disclose to Sister Marie that your father died, she should have asked about him.”

The Toronto District Catholic School Board has verified with me that Sister Marie ,

“Did not handle my situation well.”

And the former Deputy Director of the M.S.S.B had not right to ask Sister Marie nor my guidance counselor to talk to me about my dead father.

I am human and I am allowed to be touched by stories about young people who die tragically.

I am allowed to be touched by “Jane” and I am allowed to say that she influenced by life in a positive way, leading me to friendships that led me to work in the North.

The M.S.S.B Deputy Director had every right to be offended by me. I regret …I fuc kin regret contacting him….But I wish he could have told me to just stop contacting him and his family instead of sending Sister Marie Howorth to psychologically torture me….

F*** YOU Sister Marie Howorth! The school board takes my life! Forcing a conversation about the nature of my dad’ s death DOES NOT SHOW THE LIGHT OF CHRIST! Far from it! It’s completely depraved of compassion!

F*** YOU Judy Wright if you feel your Sister Mare Howorth had a right to ask me invasive questions about my father’s death, cause the school board TAKES MY SIDE. AND F*** YOUR UNCLE as his son was caught stealing VCRs at the Honeydale Walmart, as noted in the March 1999 Etobicoke Life paper!!!

SISTER MARIE HOWORTH HAD NO FUC KIN RIGHT TO ASK ME PRIVATE QUESTIONS ABOUT MY FATHER’S DEATH…SHE HAD NO F*** IN RIGHT TO PRY INTO MY PERSONAL TRUAMA….I’ll scream that on a mountain top if I have to!

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Beautiful starlet at the end of the day.