My girlfriend is my first love. The problem is, I never feel like I’m enough. You see, she’s had s** with 8 people. She’s 17. I despise every single person she’s been with in the past.

I fell in love with her a bit before guy #5. Yeah, that’s right. I was her best friend, so I knew everything and I know even more now.

Well, where do I start?
She’s a big-time cheater, she’s depressed, was suicidal at points in time, she’s a liar, had 2 miscarriages, an eating disorder and still has trust problems. I’ll explain to you her partners.
———————————————————————————————————————–

Guy #1 is the worst. She’s been dating him on and off for the past 4 years. She’s lost her virginity to him, and they did so much together. She openly admitted to having s** with him almost every day they dated (500+ times in total) which is f****** insane. She did so much with him including using ropes, blindfolds, a***, shower, a***, squirting, oral, and many other things including a number of positions I couldn’t dream of performing with her because of reasons I will explain. Oh yeah, and it took her 2 weeks to have s** with him for the first time. All this mentioned, she’s still friends with him, and it was her first love which kinda freaks me out. I made good friends with him though, I just hate their history…

Guy #2 is a dickhead also. He used her for s**, which was pretty a******-ish of him, considering they only dated for a week. They had s** 3 times, all in the same day. He has a baby carrot-sized d***, which is a bonus for me though. He apparently says she “gushes like a waterfall.”

Guy #3 I hate too. He’s the one I know the least about, but if I had a hit list he’d be near the top. He was a 18 year-old guy (she was 15) who also used her for s**. I don’t know much else about him.

Guy #4-He’s a gross, 18 year-old person who doesn’t shave, and is apparently really bad at s**. Why do I know this? Because my girlfriend feels the need to tell me for some fucked-up reason. Apparently she only had s** with him when she was high but who knows.

Guy #5 was one of her good friends. They started dating, and after awhile got down and dirty. I really hate this guy. He has the smallest d*** she’s seen (4 inches) and apparently wasn’t very good in bed. He’s really obese, and one time my girlfriend’s best friend at the time caught her having s** with him when they slept over at her house one time. As if they couldn’t wait. But that’s not the end of it-I know my girlfriend’s Facebook password, and I used it to read their conversation which does make me a nosy little s*** but I could care less at the moment. They talked about s** quite a f****** bit. She full-on masturbated for him right on camera. Yeah.

Guy #6 is an idiot. He’s a 21 year-old (she was 16 at the time), no-lifed, stoner douchebag who was my girlfriend’s second love. Although they never actually dated, they had the chance. She fucked him for pot apparently, and that really ticked me off.

Guy #7-Correction-This is the guy I know the least about. He’s 25 now (yeah, fucked-up, right?) and the reason they had s** and started going out was because she is a h**** b**** when she’s drunk.

Guy #8 is the most retarded, selfish, idiotic one of them all. Wait…that’s me. My girlfriend and I, we’ve had s** about 30 times. That may not seem so bad but… so far I am her longest-standing relationship, and you remember Guy #1 who I was saying fucked her 500+ times? Yeah. I feel like s*** because of that. Basically, almost half the times we’ve done it she was drunk. Of those ~30 times, we haven’t really done much, only missionary and from behind. That really pisses me off. On average, we have s** about 1 time per week if I’m lucky, and her and that Guy #1 used to do it at least once every day(I’m talking 1-9 times).

———————————————————————————————————————

Am I not worth that? Is it so selfish of me to think that maybe once and awhile I get a b******? I mean, I do EVERYTHING for her. She is my LIFE. I spend one year waiting because I assumed she would cheat on me with Guy #1 like she has with pretty much ALL her past boyfriends. Then I spend almost 7 months dating her and what do I get? This. It makes me feel like s***, almost unworthy of dating her, that I’m worthless. Does that make sense? Does that make me so selfish?

The worst part is, I keep this all to myself. She already has so much on her mind. She’s becoming depressed again, 2 of her best friends are contemplating suicide.. I also got tested 2 weeks ago and apparently I have Chlamydia. It has to be from her because I lost my virginity to her. She doesn’t wanna talk about it… so I can’t bring up this s** thing.

What’s worse is that I’ve been depressed for a long time now. For 5+ years I’ve hated living, and didn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. My girlfriend saying yes to me asking her out was about the most eventful thing that happened during that time period. And now I’m contemplating how much I detest that she doesn’t treat me half as well as her boyfriends in the past. I’m a d***.