What am i supposed to do? Its like a never ending loop i keep repeating every single day. I want connection but i cant stand to be around people for long, i have to get back home and be by myself again, everything is too overwhelming. Its been like this so long I don’t know how to make friends or do much of anything on my own, it was like this growing up too, all by myself most of the time. I’m so lonely but I don’t know how to get close to anyone, I feel ashamed I don’t have a job and live on the dole. Its like Ive always had to do this on my own, DBT helped me come out of my head finally after years and years but I don’t know what now, where do I go what do I do? I have no idea besides that stupid mental health place where everyone is already fucked up and broken, I don’t wanna be stuck in that ghetto its pathetic! I’ve always been on the outside looking in. I go to the mall and just watch people, it hurts like hell but its one of the only ways i have to be around anyone. I’m like some kind of ghost, being a guy like this makes me feel even worse about it, I’m supposed to have confidence or something. What a ridiculous life, I feel so f****** pissed off now, surrounded by strangers out the yin yang in this big town and totally anonymous.